Parenting Styles: Right, Wrong, or Neither

When Sarah and I found out that "we" were pregnant with our daughter Sydney it was quite a shock. We were very excited but we also had a natural amount of anxiety about being new parents. However, my anxiety was a little more selfish than Sarah's. I tended to be more concerned about how life was going to change for me and Sarah was more concerned about being a good mother. Her reaction led to lots of reading...dozens of books covering every perspective.

It was during this time that I was first exposed to the baby-wise versus attachment-parenting controversy. What sent up the red flag for me was that the proponents of each of these two perspectives seemed to have it all figured out. In my thirty-two years I've learned to be very suspicious of anything that purports to have perfected an approach to, or an interpretation of, any particular subject. Call is a healthy level of cynicism.

I didn't really develop my current perspective on this issue until after our second child, Jack, was born. Our first child, Sydney, is an EXTREMELY high-energy, high-maintenance child. Despite much effort to the contrary she has taken approximately ten naps in her entire life. Until Jack was born I often thought that this behavior was as a result of poor parenting but Jack proved that wrong. From the moment that Jack emerged into this world it was clear that he was the polar opposite of Sydney. He would nurse for long periods of time whereas Sydney would be distracted at the slightest noise. The list of contrasting personality traits could go on and on. The point is this: these two kids have very different personalities which require different approaches to parenting.

Not because we subscribe to any author's point of view but Sarah and I tend to naturally have attachment-parenting tendencies. I don't condemn the baby-wise approach at all but I am concerned by the fact that it seems to be applied in most situations as a one-size-fits-all parenting philosophy. If I were professional parent, which I am not, I would be able to identify my child’s needs and adjust my approach on-the-fly. In my case, it would probably mean that I would apply attachment-parenting principles with Sydney and more structured and scheduled techniques with Jack. This has not happened because, in the end, parenting has often been more about what is easiest for me and my wife than what is the absolute best for our kids. My suspicion and my earnest prayer is that despite what I do, or don’t do, everything will work out fine. God is in control.