Proposal for Changes to Thank You Note Rules
Like most men on planet Earth I am horrible at writing thank you notes. My wife still hassles me to this day about thank-you notes that I did not write for a wedding shower held in my honor...we're coming up on our ten-year anniversary. I'm sure all the women out there who just read the last sentence are aghast at my thoughtlessness but at the same time I'm sure there is a large group of men cheering me on who all belong to GUANTYN (Guys United Against Needless Thank You Notes). I am a card-carrying member. Before you send me boxes of dead roses you must know that I gave everyone of these people a heart-felt VERBAL thank you.
Have you ever overheard the following conversation between two women?
SARAH: Well, I sent the gift for Betsy’s shower three weeks ago but I have not gotten a thank-you note!
AMY: Oh my, what an unthoughtful hag! We should crucify her.
SARAH: It's not so much that I wanted the thank you note...I just want to know that she got the package.
I feel like I've heard this unbelievable conversation dozens of times. And every time I hear it I'm more certain of two things: (1) women all over the world must hate me and (2) this business about delivery of the package is code for "I don't really care about the package I just want you to tell me what an awesome person I am for sending you a gift."
At the risk of sinking even further in the minds of women all over the world, I would like to propose a few changes to the unwritten set of thank you note rules. First, a gift giver shall never expect a thank you note. In the spirit of Matthew 5 ("Do not let your right hand know what your left is doing...") the privilege of giving a gift should be thank you enough. Second, thank you notes from the gift receiver shall never be written if a verbal thank you has already been delivered. Although not as meaningful, over-the-phone thanks yous shall be just as viable. Third, thank you notes shall only be written (though still not expected by the gift giver) when there has not been an opportunity to deliver a verbal thank you. Of course, I still leave room for the "just because" kind of notes and a supplemental thank you note after a verbal thank you is a nice touch…but not required.
Now, back to the real world. Maybe the givers of my ten-year-old gifts would find some clod-like humor in receiving a thank you note ten years after the fact. I guess its time to pull out the shower gift list...
3 Comments:
uh, sure....and my address is,
5405 Barton Vale Drive
Nashville, TN 37211
I just want to make sure you got my gift 10 years ago and that you're still using it. It's not about me.
Ryan - Got to your blog from a link on Brandon Scott Thomas' blog. Love your humor. I wanted you to know there is at least one woman on the planet who wholeheartedly agrees with your thank you note theory. I, too, can't stand to write those things, especially after verbal thanking has been accomplished. I know it's socially unacceptable not to but I cannot for the life of me get into it. They are inevitably late or nonexistent. My husband finally harrassed me into forcing my 12 year old son to sit down and write his for Christmas presents sometime in February and they still sit on the desk in the kitchen. Some were hand delivered when people came to dinner in April and they left them sitting here! Proof that most people really don't care. The rest have yet to be mailed. I find this horribly embarrassing and yet a huge relief to find that all this time I thought I had a problem with procrastination. NO! I was reacting to my revulsion over double thanking through notes!! I feel a huge sense of relief to know that I am not alone in this. Oh, by the way - Thank you.
Ryan,
tell me about it. i don't have ten years of experience in this department, but i still get hounded occassionly by my mother for the thank you cards that my wife, did or did not send after our wedding shower, and our daughter's baby shower.
one day, this too shall pass.
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