Boxers Are Not Underwear!

One night when I was three years old I realized that my dad didn't wear pajamas like I did. I have very specific memories during that time of my life of wearing pajama pants with built-in footies. The sole of these footies was made of plastic and essentially acted as a foot-sweat receptacle. If that sounds awful, you now understand why the realization that my dad wore only his tighty-whities to bed made me want to do the same. Every day since that day I've been a brief man.

When I hear guys talk about boxers versus briefs it makes me crazy. There is absolutely no comparison to be made here. It's like comparing ski jacket versus t-shirt. Yes, they both cover your torso but they are not exactly interchangeable garments, are they? To put this in perspective for all the females, the argument that boxer shorts are just another kind of underwear is like saying that a t-shirt is just another kind of bra. Sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn't it?

At the risk of stating the obvious, let me just say that the real issue here is the "gird factor." Pasted directly from the Merriam Webster web site, the word gird is defined as: (1) to encircle or bind with a flexible band (as a belt); to make fast (as a sword by a belt or clothing with a cord); SURROUND, (2) PROVIDE, EQUIP; especially : to invest with the sword of knighthood, (3) to prepare (oneself) for action; intransitive senses: to prepare for action; gird one's loins: to prepare for action: muster up one's resources.

Now the idea of the flexible bands mentioned in that definition makes me wince but I think you now understand how I define the purpose of underwear. Boxer shorts do not do any of these things. The few times that I have worn boxer shorts I felt like I was simply wearing a pair of shorts under my pants. Ironically, I was. So, the truth is that boxer shorts are shorts not underwear.